Who am I?

Lately I’ve been struggling with myself. From the way I look, to the way I act, to the way I parent. I’m finding myself trying to reinvent myself to the person I should be but it isn’t actually making me happy. I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe, and I feel like my old one isn’t the ‘me’ I’m meant to be.

Tonight, I’ve come to a realisation. Looking at a recent picture of myself I don’t look like me at all. I’ve cut my hair off and don’t know what to do with it now. My clothes are frumpy with the odd bit of old me thrown in. The fact is, I’ve lost my confidence. I can talk to anyone, I can make friends and form new relationships no problem (once a bar lass, always a bar lass) but it’s my self esteem which has taken the knock.

I’ve found myself in a strange new town and it’s only natural that people are going to form an opinion of me. Back home I didn’t care, I had my friends, I had the people who knew me as me, and therefore I didn’t need to be a ‘mumsy’ mum in order to feel like I fit in. It’s different here. I don’t fit in like I did back home. I’m the youngest, and the less mature. I don’t have a fancy house, and I certainly don’t have a fancy job. It makes me feel like I’m less than everyone else. It makes me feel like they feel sorry for Isla that I’m her parent. I’m not perfect, maybes if I was 10 years older I’d fit in. Maybes if I dressed like them, or if I drove to playgroup rather than walked in the rain wearing my partners coat as mine isn’t waterproof and I can’t find a new one that I like.

I’ve tried to fit in and I don’t. I’ve made friends anyways. So here’s to the rest of the misfit mums out there, let’s turn up tomorrow in our ripped jeans and DMs and not give a shit. My child is awesome, confident, and beyond happy, and y’know what?

She gets that from her mama.


Let them be Kids!

So, I’ve wanted to write a little post about my more personal views for a while but never felt like the time was right. Partly because lots of people will disagree and I don’t want to cause a debate but also partly because these opinions only developed once I became a parent and I need to be sure that something annoys me before I vent about it. So here goes.. (I appoligise for the crappy cartoon images in this post, but it really helps to get my point across).

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Healthy Eating

One of the biggest parts of the everyday in our house is food. I’m lucky in that Isla is a brilliant eater but with a good eater comes the struggle of having healthy homemade food and snacks ready five or six times per day. I’ve pretty much got it down to a tee now (took me long enough) and now don’t rely at all on convenience foods or toddler snacks. I thought it would be interesting to do a few examples on what Isla eats and I might include some recipes for the healthy snacks that her dad makes for her.

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Since I’ve Been Gone

I write this on a day following a terrorist attack on Manchester. Who knows if there will have been more by the time this is published. Today I’ve felt truly terrified of the world that our children are growing up in, terrified of the hate that they’ll see and the acts of violence they will witness. As children they should know nothing but love and kindness, and with our help the next generation could stand up against hate and follow our examples. Let them not be racist, or sexist, or just pricks in general. Let them be good people, because our beautiful world and our amazing children deserve it.

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